A dear friend of mine reminded me the other day that it's not always the best thing to say "but- you look great" to someone living with a chronic illness- whether it's in "remission", a flare, an on-going battle or a recovery period. Better yet she noted, say, "it's great to see you", "how are your treatments going" or "how are you doing" and leave the but out completely. I've experienced my own frustration, especially in acute times, with people saying to me, "but- you look so good". Including my favorite response from a nurse once when I told her I have MS- "but- you're so pretty".
Living with chronic conditions is a daily experiment of sorts. I wake up and meet my body where she is and rarely is she ever in the same place. Some days I'm raring to go, some days after I shower I just want to crawl back into bed because my body is so fatigued, in pain, or hypersensitive to everything (light, sound, touch...). I practice Yoga to create healthy habits of meeting my body and loving her where ever and how ever she presents each day. I do all I can- eat well, practice postures, get plenty of rest etc. each day to help her feel her best but even so at times she clearly reminds me that regardless of my best intentions- she will let me know when things aren't quite up to snuff.
In the midst of the Holidaze season, friends want to spend time together, family wants to talk on the phone, I feel pulled to do more, to say "no, I'm not able to do that" or "I'm sorry, I can't today, tomorrow, next week..." more and sometimes it's just a big reminder of all I can't do. Of the things I'd like to participate in (including friendships, social engagements) but don't because I have to reserve a certain amount of time each day for practice, for rest and for my body and mind to restore to be that best version of myself, the Suz I want to be.
These are the things, the sometimes seeming sacrifices, that I make to be as healthy and to live as well as I do. It's not easy. I want to go play more. I want to party with my friends. I want to be a part of your group. But... I have to honor my priorities to create a state of well being for myself and that takes time every day- a dedicated Practice every day.
So, while I thank those who tell me "but- you look so good" cuz I know I do :o) I sometimes want to remind them of all I need to do everyday to look that good, to be present when I'm with you to give you my full attention and to love you with all my heart while still honoring my special needs. It takes time. It takes a lot of time. I do it for you, I do it for me but mostly I do it to feel connected, of service and to experience every second of this Life I have, regardless of circumstances, for it's mine and I am so incredibly grateful for the ride.
I'm sitting now in the sun as I type this. It feels a bit like a confession or a look into the window of my soul. Living in Seattle, this time of year, the sun plays cat and mouse but at this moment, it's pouring into my living room into one small corner. Here I am. Seated on a pillow, soaking in the rays, and about to nap like a cat. Moments like these remind me and reaffirm to me why I make the choices I make to be here as I am. I choose to live healthy, I choose to take care of my amazing body and I choose to be as present as possible with each day regardless of what it brings.
This season as you meet and greet friends and loved ones, remember what it's like to struggle with health, rather than say "but- you look so good" say "it's great to see you", "how has your health been?" or best of all " I love you and am so happy to spend time with you".
Wishing you all love, light and the experience of presence in each sweet moment as a very special gift. As the year turns welcome pain, pleasure, shadow, light and everything in between- no matter how you look revel in this experience of Living- it's a juicy ride that won't last forever.
Peace.
^o^
Suz
